Virus Warning

 [colorful rounded image of the Head of a GNU]

This just in :  NEW VIRUS WARNING

If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it
immediately WITHOUT reading it.  This is the most dangerous Email virus yet.

It will re-write your hard drive.  Not only that, but it will scramble any
disks that are even close to your computer.  It will recalibrates your
refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles.
It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your
ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field
harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.

It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix
antifreeze into your fish tank.  It will drink all your beer and leave its
dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over. It will
hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car
radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.

Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened pedophile.  It will give
you nightmares about circus midgets.  It will replace your shampoo with Nair
and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend
behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

It will seduce your grandmother.  It does not matter if she is dead, such is
the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things
we hold most dear.

Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up
and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It
will remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows,
and refill your skim milk with whole.

It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.

It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

These are just a few signs.

Be afraid.  Be very, very afraid.

Other humor in the GNU Humor Collection.


The joke on this page was obtained from the FSF's email archives of the GNU Project.
The Free Software Foundation claims no copyrights on this joke.

Return to GNU's home page.

Please send FSF & GNU inquiries & questions to There are also other ways to contact the FSF.

Please send comments on these web pages to, send other questions to

Copyright (C) 1999 Free Software Foundation, Inc., 59 Temple Place - Suite 330, Boston, MA 02111, USA

Verbatim copying and distribution of this entire article is permitted in any medium, provided this notice is preserved.

Updated: 8 Apr 2000 tower