More Shit!

 [colorful rounded image of the Head of a GNU]

Have YOU ever wondered just WHY shit happens to you?  Well, 
you're not alone. People have wondered about this fundamental 
question for many ages, and everyone seems to have a different 
theory. So, for your reading enjoyment, we have here a massive
collection of various ways in which people have tried to
explain why shit happens:


                                 SHIT HAPPENS

                         in various world religions

Taoism:         Shit happens.
                If you can shit, it isn't shit.
                Shit happens, so flow with it.

Hare Krishna:   Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding.
                She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens,
                 she-it, she-it...  (Repeat until you become one with
                Please this flower and buy our shit.

Confucianism:   Confucious say, "Shit happens".
                Confucious says, "If shit has to happen, let it happen

Buddhism:       If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
                If shit happens, it isn't really happening TO anyone.
                Shit will happen again to you next time.
                Only he who totally gives up the desire for shit will
                 have salvation.

Zen:            What is the sound of shit happening?
                First, shit was shit.
                 Then it wasn't.
                 Now I'm one with Zen, and shit is shit again.

7th Day Adventism:
                Shit happens on Saturdays.

Hinduism:       I've seen this shit happening before.
                This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life.
                This shit happening IS you.

Protestantism:  Let shit happen to someone else!
                If shit happens, praise the lord for it.

                This shit was bound to happen.

Calvinism:      Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.

                If shit happens, hold a procession.
                It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve 
                the right wine with it.

Methodist:      It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve 
                grape juice with it

Lutheranism:    Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.
                Have faith that shit will happen.
                If shit happens, don't talk about it.

Anglicanism:    It's true, shit does happen -- but only to Lutherans.

Quakers:        Let us not fight over this shit.
                Be silent and wait for shit to happen, friend.

Catholicism:    If shit happens, you deserved it.
                You were born shit, you are shit, and you will die 

Charismatic Catholicism:
                Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love
                you anyway.

Judaism:        Why does shit always happen just before closing the 

Conservative Judaism:
                Why does shit always happen to US?

Reform Judaism: Got any laxatives?
                Shit happens to whom it may concern.

Orthodox Judaism:
                So shit happens, already!

Islam:          We don't take any shit.

Sunni Islam:    If it happens to be shit, it's Allah's will and you'd
                 better submit!
                Shiite happens.

                If shit happens, take a hostage.

Nation of Islam:
                Don't take no shit!

Bahaism:        Why do you keep shitting on us?
                Shit happens universally.
                All shit is truly shit.

New Age:        That's not shit, it's feldspar.
                Shit happens, and it happens to smell good.
                This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate.
                I create my own shit.
                Visualize shit happening...

Wicca:          If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.
                The Goddess makes shit happen.
                An it harm none, let shit happen.

Jehovah's Witness

Other humor in the GNU Humor Collection.


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Updated: 8 Apr 2000 tower